I booked a night out after I get back from taking Dad to my brother’s. It’s a four star hotel near the venue where I got tickets for a show. I’m going alone and looking forward to being pampered for a day. Check in is at 3pm. My plan is to hit the fitness center, clean up, check out the rooftop bar, dinner at the restaurant, go to the show, then a late breakfast before catching the train home. If the hotel booking and ticket weren’t on my phone, I’d consider leaving it behind.
Today is International Women’s Day. One day to acknowledge all that women do without credit. It’s like taking a day to acknowledge the oxygen we breathe, or the potable water from the faucet. Aside from our longer life expectancy, I expect there to be more older single women than men. A single woman is often lectured about why she needs to need a man if she expects to find a partner. And yet, when a man seeks a woman, he expects she take on a laundry list of responsibilities, including the laundry. Even though my parents afforded me the freedom to determine my own life, there were different expectations for my brothers and me. I knew that education was my ticket out. My parents never reminded me to do my homework, while my brother seemed to not care. I worked when I was in college and graduate school, sometimes multiple jobs. My brother prioritized having a good time. While the trail on the pirate map of my life is circuitous, landing on the X of this treasure of financial and personal independence was hard earned. So when you see a single middle aged woman taking care of herself, you best be sure she’s not quick to hang that up for a bit of companionship. There is a price for freedom, but the alternative may cost more.
My brother said I was a nicer person when I had a boyfriend. To him (and most men), how a woman behaves is more important than what she does. Every day women face microaggressions, from other women as well, particularly those with more traditional paths. Enough microaggressions add up to misogyny. Few men have understood a woman’s perspective. Most don’t even know how much we think about our own safety, daily. Men and women have always seen the world differently. Though I don’t want the mostly self-centered perspective of most men, I would like, as RBG said, for them to take their feet off my neck.
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” -Margaret Atwood
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